I figured out that I don’t want to write a lot of words…at least not at this point (and what is “a lot” really?). I think I’m afraid that I won’t be grammatically correct or as faintly eloquent as I want to be or as cohesive & conclusive as my colleagues and relatives. I am randomly predisposed to ramble, start in the middle and go all over the page like an ant searching for crumbs. I know I am capable of composing a piece of writing with one of those topic sentences that clearly states the purpose of the piece, yet the problem with the flow of this entire blog is that I feel squished from both sides. On the one hand, I feel I SHOULD and OUGHT TO compose a comprehensive essay each time I post. On the other hand, I am drawn towards allowing this to be a genuine journal, with the requisite informality and revelatory novice auteur gushing. In my best Woody Allenesque form, I fret incessantly about revealing too much, as one is apt to do as a diarist. The result of all this neurotic confusion is that Nothing Happens. I haven’t produced any blog entries for months and months and months! So…What to do??
I still have no decision on this issue except to keep trying. In the writing classes I have taken (hard to believe but yes, I have taken some writing classes…) there is always an emphasis on knowing and addressing the “audience.” I have a problem with it here in blogdom because the audience is potentially EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Makes it hard to hone in on one demographic. So it’s a decision: I’ll continue searching for my blog voice and identity, and YOU can weigh in and reassure me I should continue to speculate in my own juices. I think we have a deal.